3 Ways to increase your Emotional Bank Account

We've all been there when an unexpected expense comes up, like the car transmission fails, the roof starts leaking, or our child needs a tooth pulled.  Not a good feeling!  But if we have budgeted and built up our bank accounts, then the pain of these expenses is reduced dramatically.

The same can be said for a couples emotional bank account.  The emotional bank account works the same as money in your local bank down the street.  The account is full of emotional credits and debits.  The result of those credits and debits is the balance.  Depending on what that balance looks like, will go a long way to determining the health of your relationship.  Obviously, we need many more credits than debits!  

Here are three ways to increase your emotional bank account balance with your partner.  

​1.  Change Your Perspective - It is natural to key in on the negatives in our relationships and science actually says our brains are wired so that negative events have a much stronger influence on us than do positive events.  This is why it is so important to begin to scan your partner's world looking for things that have been done well or positive character traits that you cherish.  This first step is simply a mindset shift.  

For example, your mate arrives home and immediately begins complaining about her day.  A negative mindset would immediately think, "wow what a negative person, she is always complaining."  However, a positive mindset, would think something like, "she works so hard, that job is stressful, it's no wonder she is upset."  Thinking differently can begin to set up success with the emotional bank account.  

2.  Tell Your Partner What You See in Them - From that positive mindset shift, now start to verbalize to your partner the positives you see in them.  You can focus on personality traits that you enjoy such as an engaging smile, the way she laughs, or even the way she sneezes!  You can compliment them on any number of roles they play in life - wife, sister, teacher, or friend for example.  Be creative here and just look for ways to credit the bank account.  

3.  Give Examples  -   When you give concrete examples of actions that you see that prove the positive characteristics you see in your mate, this is like depositing big bonus checks!  For example, telling your wife she is such a great teacher is one thing.  It is another to say that "you are a great teacher, because I heard you encouraging and sitting with a distraught parent on the phone for 20 minutes the other day.  This showed me what a kind teacher and human being you are."  Wow, doesn't that sound awesome!  

Give this a try starting today and I would like to hear how it is going, so please share your stories in the comment section.  

If you need help in your relationship, contact me.  

And make it a great day. 

Brian